Dr. Tourniquet(professor's headshot located here), was absorbed in very important gravitational science late on the morning of November 28, 2007. The professor was interested in whether or not a glass of water would tip over and spill if pawed at repeatedly. His hypothesis was that the laws of physics exist, so the glass would tip over. The scientific instincts his Ph.D. in Pawing and Fluffiness Science gave him yet again did not fail. The glass of water, half full and left on the kitchen table overnight, did eventually topple and spill its contents over the table and, due again to the effects of gravity as Dr. Tourniquet deduced, all over the kitchen floor. Dr. Tourniquet's lab assistant, "Grippy" White, was called in to take care of the mess, as the professor needed to publish his results on Slashdot immediately and respond to any subsequent flames his work received. Dr. Tourniquet will continue his important research in other science and social fields. Cat Tech Press will soon be publishing Dr. Tourniquet's "Fire: Does it burn stuff?" and "The Usefulness of Abstinence-only Education in Public Schools." Reviews of these works are, as always, expected to include generous petting and cooing.

ps. Who signed me up for the L.L. Bean Catalog? I didn't order it, but it came addressed to me at my Santa Fe address, which I think maybe three or four people know.